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ple who hurt others extremely severely such as raping someone or committing murder, rarely ever become fully functioning because of the tremendous amount of courage and strength it requires to sort through those memories and receive forgiveness. One man I worked with had been sexually abused as a child by his father. He felt powerless to do anything back to his dad, so he channeled his anger toward someone weaker than himself. He sexually abused his younger brother for several years while they were growing up.
At the time of the abuse, he tried hard not to think about what damage his behavior might be inflicting and rationalized that everyone has sexual needs. He told himself, “If I lived through it, so can he. After all, he deserves it [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the little brat.” We all know that this type of abuse can be incredibly damaging to the victim [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but what we often fail to see is that it can be even more damaging to the abuser. If you do not believe this, just imagine how you would feel looking in your mirror knowing that you had been the perpetrator of such a crime. When this client reached adulthood, he entered therapy and started working through the issues surrounding his own abuse. During this process he realized how serious his crime against his brother was.
The intensity of his shame was overwhelming. He tried hard to apologize for his abusive behavior, but to little avail. His brother, who is now a drug addict, does not want to talk about the abuse. This man has spent many years in torment over his choice. He still suffers from serious bouts of depression because although he continues to work at forgiving himself, it is very hard to do. While the consequences in less extreme cases are not as obvious, they are still there; this principle holds true regardless of the severity of the offense. When you say mean things or act abusively toward others, you extend the time it will take for you to become whole [link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and you make your own recovery more difficult. You must try to avoid being unkind to people even in small ways, not only for their sakes but for your own as well.